


The Doubts that Creep In

by AngeNoir



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fem!Steve, Gen, Gender or Sex Swap, Kid Fic, M/M, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 07:03:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1257277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngeNoir/pseuds/AngeNoir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by NeverEver's All Things Considered. Their summary is:</p><p> </p><p>  <em>After being surprised at the results of Steve being turned into a woman, Tony finds himself becoming the father he never thought he'd be.</em></p><p> </p><p>I tweaked the story and so this summary is as follows:</p><p>"Tony Stark: father. One of the many titles he thought he'd <em>never</em> have. It leaves him more unbalanced than most notice or understand."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Doubts that Creep In

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Neverever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neverever/gifts).
  * Inspired by [All Things Considered](https://archiveofourown.org/works/950266) by [Neverever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neverever/pseuds/Neverever). 



> Inspired by [NeverEver](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Neverever/pseuds/Neverever)'s fic [All Things Considered](http://archiveofourown.org/works/950266).
> 
> The premise of this story is more my headcanon - that Tony doesn't feel comfortable with responsibility but buries this insecurity that he can handle it deep down.

Tony stared at the bottle mournfully. He needed to – he needed to pull himself together. He’d been doing his best to keep up with Steve throughout this whole situation, he’d been running himself ragged and shoving all and any thoughts to the contrary to the side. But now, sitting by himself – Steve was still working on the nursery, with Clint and Thor, and Natasha and Bruce were at SHIELD for some reason or the other – he couldn’t stop himself from shaking as he poured himself another cup and took a sip of the whiskey.

“Jack Daniels. It must be serious.”

Tony jerked his head up, scenarios running through his mind on how to deal with this – because as much as he was terrified deep down, he’d done his absolute best to show his complete faith in Steve and nothing but his excitement to the rest of the team. But it wasn’t any of the Avengers or Pepper or Coulson in the doorway to his workshop – it was Rhodey.

“Oh god – Rhodey—” he croaked, helplessly reaching towards his oldest and closest friend.

Rhodey was there, immediately, taking Tony in his arms and wrapping them around the smaller man’s shoulders. Tony shuddered hard, glad that there was one person he did not have to remain strong for, one person who knew all of Tony’s deepest, darkest fears. Who had been there at MIT when Tony had drunkenly sworn to never have kids, who’d been there when Tony had weathered through the obligatory storms of attention-grabbers claiming to be pregnant with Tony’s child.

“Hey,” Rhodey murmured quietly after a while, rubbing a hand over Tony’s shoulder. “How come I found out about this after everyone else?”

Tony shrugged awkwardly against Rhodey’s chest, breathed in deep of Rhodey’s scent, and then stepped back. “It was – it’s all moving too fast.”

“Why isn’t your boyfriend here?” Rhodey asked.

Tony bristled, but Rhodey put up his hands in a placating gesture as he moved to the nearest bench and sat down, watching Tony carefully. “I’m not criticizing him,” Rhodey said pointedly. “I just want to know why you haven’t discussed any of this with Steve. I thought you guys were tight, you know?”

Tony began to pace back and forth. It wasn’t that Tony resented Steve’s decisions or couldn’t confide in him, it was just… impossible to do so right now. How was he supposed to, when it was Steve’s body and Steve’s choice? How could he make this about _him_ , when Steve was the one doing all the hard work here? Certainly it wasn’t as if Tony was _excluded_ from the decision-making process, but…

“You’re shaking, Tones,” Rhodey said quietly.

Tony stopped pacing, standing dead still in front of Rhodey, trying not to do anything at all except breathe. “I just – _everything_ , Rhodey, _everything_ … I guess – I can’t – I can’t handle this. I can’t be a _parent_ – Starks have never – it’s just, I’m going to mess this up and – and I don’t want to rain on Steve’s parade or – or ask him to get _rid_ of – of the babies, I can’t do that to him—”

“Ba _bies_?” Rhodey interjected.

Tony swallowed and nodded.

“Right. Look, you need to bring this up to Steve, you know?”

“I know but – I can’t. I can’t, Rhodey, I can’t imply that I’d – that, what, I’d rather have him murder kids just because I’m uncomfortable with being a parent?”

Rhodey frowned. “Hey, now, first – abortion isn’t murder, alright? It’s not a decision to pick only because you’re scared, but it’s not _murder_ —”

Tony spread his hands helplessly. “Steve wants these kids,” he said hoarsely. “He – and I don’t, I don’t _really_ want him to, to have an abortion, I just… I can barely take care of Steve, Rhodey. I stay in my lab and I don’t come out and how – how am I supposed to interact with kids? Kids will – expect more from me. I don’t want to be an absent father,” he said, suddenly and viciously, surprising himself.

But Rhodey seemed unsurprised. “So don’t be,” he said quietly. “You never wanted to be a father, but you are now. And that’s – that’s terrifying, I’m not going to say you’re being irrational about this. But being a parent is terrifying. It’s never not going to be. If, down the road, this by some supreme irrational chance, this happens again, you’ll be as terrified then as you are now. It’s natural to be scared, because you are doing something you’ve never done before, and there is no fix for this. Humans – babies, toddlers, kids, teens, adults, all of them, they’re messy, they won’t react the way you think they will, they will _always_ be a mystery to everyone else. But you can do this, Tony. I’ve seen you with kids before.”

“I could always hand those kids back to their parents and walk away,” Tony said roughly. “I can’t do that here.”

Rhodey leaned back against the work table behind him. “Recognizing that is the first step, okay? You know you can’t treat your kids like a drive-through. You’re worrying about providing the best for them. And from what I hear from every Avenger here, _and_ Happy, _and_ Pepper, you’ve stepped up to the plate. Hell, you haven’t just stepped up to the plate, you’ve consistently hit home runs.”

Tony folded his arms, squeezing himself more tightly than perhaps he should if he was trying to project strength. “I can’t complain to anyone. I can’t talk to anyone. I’m finally being a responsible adult, Rhodey.”

“You were _always_ a responsible adult,” Rhodey said viciously. “I know what I’ve said, what others have said in the past, but you never did anything that harmed anyone else, only yourself. The one and only time you were irresponsible was probably at that birthday party.”

Tony winced. “This – these kids will grow up, and see all that. They’ll know – everything. All the history. They’ll have to grow up with that. Hell, they’re already going to be targeted for just being related to me.”

“And you’ll handle it, like you always handle everything,” Rhodey said confidently.

Tony licked his lips. “They won’t like me, Rhodes,” he finally whispered. “I’m – an acquired taste at best.”

Rhodey stood up and grabbed Tony into a bear hug. “You need to talk to Steve about this, I’m not going to say otherwise, but your kids will love you. They’ll adore you. You’ll know all the bullshit excuses and you’ll know not to stifle their creativity and you’ll remember what it felt like to not have your dad there at your events so you’ll be there for your kids. You’ll make mistakes, you’ll trip and fall. _Steve_ will make mistakes, and he’ll fall. The purpose of having to parents is that normally the trips and mistakes aren’t overlapping. Even if they are, though, you’ll pick yourself back up and keep on going. You’ll be fine.”

Tony swallowed hard, took in a deep, steadying breath, and blew it out slowly. “Who told you to come?” he asked after a moment.

“Tones, I came because I wanted to see you, and because I knew you’d need this kind of pep talk. You’re horrible about confiding in others, and everyone else I talked to seemed to completely ignore the fact that you legitimately had concerns about parenthood,” Rhodey said dryly. “I came because I wanted to. No one told me to.”

Tony nodded slowly and stepped back. “Have you eaten, yet?”

Rhodey shook his head in the negative, and Tony moved to the door. “Well, we can’t have you starving, can we sugarplum?”

“But Tony?”

Tony paused at the door, waiting for Rhodey to follow him.

“You need to talk about this with Steve.”

Smiling weakly, Tony nodded. “I know.”

 ***

“Hey, Tony, I didn’t know Rhodes was in town,” Steve said.

Tony looked at his partner, lover, significant other, and breathed in slow. He could trust Steve, trust that Steve wouldn’t dismiss his fears of being a bad parent, a bad father, a bad _partner_ , as being silly or ridiculous. Steve would talk him through it, would help him. Would listen and not judge. One more deep breath, and then Tony sat down on the bed next to Steve. “Hey,” he said softly. “Can I – can I say something?”

Steve paused, looking at him from those same blue eyes. “Is something wrong? Is that why he came?”

“No, I – no. But he helped me get my head straightened out a little. And he pointed out I should speak with you about this. So.”

Steve nodded encouragingly, and Tony began to talk.


End file.
